Sunday, March 18, 2007

good news or bad news?
bad news first, i promised myself that this blog would not be filled with my angst;so hopefully the good news at the end would deter your feelings after reading.

i found the love of my life, surely it doesn't sound like bad news to you right? yeah, it's not bad news. what's bad is that the person is gone, it's over. i only have myself to blame, because from a blossom relationship i made the person i love the most lose faith, lose trust, lose hope. something i've never gotten a chance to say back in those days, "yes, you're good enough for me, you're everything i need and ever wanted. i love you." after you left, a huge hole was left in my heart, my world collapsed and i was devastated. picked myself up, started from scratch again but good things never seems to go my way. i feel that god is picking on me, is this some test? i don't know already! because i'm suffering blow after blow. just when i was back on my feet another blow comes unnoticed, it as if i was on this rollercoaster ride and just as i thought it was about to end it continues. i was talking about my family issues in a previous post recently, yes, it has taken a toll for the worst because it can't get any worse. seems like a divorce is inevitable now, actually is has already took place. i should really get my act together. i know it's just losing someone important in your life and people would say that in time i'd get over it but do i? the emotional trauma is way too big for me to handle, seeing my dad in bed with another wonman and having to face him like i don't know a thing, pretending that he's being the correct rolemodel for me; when he's actually having another family outside. there is so much hate in me that i don't know how to exhaust all this. i don't know how to react cause friends know me as a cheerful happy-go-lucky guy and always there to brighten up people day but they don't know that i'm actually someone who is so complicated. sad has taken a new meaning to me, being sad is outdated to me, if i were to be sad there would be too much for me to be sad about and i'd never be happy ever again. so i'd choose to be happy regardless; but some side effects are unavoidable. i know some people out there have something agaisnt me, dislike me or even hate me, treating me like some enemy/freak. those that do so would be gloating and partying over my dismay. i know i offend people easily but sometime they wouldn't see the good that is in me. i'm still hanging on, i'd hang on as long as i'm still alive, i'd continue to spread joy and be happy regardless of my health. i'd cherish every moment of what i'm left with.
close friends ask me, why do you still wear that ring? let me answer that, because as long as i'm wearing, it i'd be reminded of that love and it gives me the strength to do what i'm unable to; and it's the only thing in the world that would make me feel that you're still here with me.
enough of bad news. okay, don't feel sorry for me. i'm fine. x))

some good news,
at least there's still people who loves me and care for me.
people like,
emily you're my emotional support, dearest cousin.
ling and xian i know you both will keep me in your prayers. love!
jiawei you're the bestest friend i have.
ansley you're the most bimbo best friend i have.
and so many more...

went to the reservoir today with my uncle's family,
it may be the only place i'd ever get to feel family love.
okay, ernest smiles even if he's sad because a smile is what people wants to see, a smile is what would make the darkest times bright. x))

alright some pictures to lighten everything up,

















my eighteen birthday might be the last one i get to celebrate with my own family.


does this tell you anything?

by ernest at 10:39 PM |